Living with Dignity

Apart from war, cancer may be the world's scariest word. Put brain in front of cancer and things get really scary. Listening to the doctors and making hard decisions isn't an easy task. I ought to know, in October was diagnosed with one of the rarest and hardest to treat types of cancerous brain tumors. But that's not the only reason I can relate to Brittney Maynard,(CLICK HERE FOR HER STORY). She 'a the  29 year old with brain cancer, who ended her life with the help of doctors this week, no doubt did what she thought was right. The question is was she? Perhaps, it doesn't even matter. But what if it does?

We live in a world that tells us there is no right and wrong. No absolutes. Question the choices of someone and you suddenly become a hater. We make human sacrifices to the only thing still sacred in America. Choices.

People of faith know there are absolutes. Some things are simply wrong. Those choices are between whoever makes them and God until it involves others.  

 

Maynard's story breaks my heart. I can sympathize. I see the dilemma. I watched my grandfather's cancer waste away my hero until all that remained was a blind 69 pound skeleton. Horror wouldn't describe it.  In a mere six months from his diagnosis, he transformed from a rock to dust. I prayed for his healing. Before it was over, I begged God to take him. He finally did, three days after Christmas of 1991. Six years later, the same brain cancer that plagued Maynard, took the life of my dear friend Monte Vaught at the age of 26. He lived couragouesly for 22 months after the initial discovery of his tumor. The doctors said he only had 18 months but Monte was a fighter. From the moment we found out it was terminal everyone knew he was going to defy the odds. He was anything but a quitter. Both were  beautiful lives not defined by the way they passed. Decades have sinced past and the tears are still flowing . Even now, Sorrow, that old familiar pain, is stabbing my heart and it brought along a friend to help. Uncertainty of my own prognosis came with Sorrow. There's so much we just don't know. Tonight, a special couple to me, has lost a second father in four months to this dreaded disease. I don't have to imagine what they have been through because I've been there. Most of us have been. Sooner or later, all of us are going to be. I'd bet the farm, my friends, who are strong Christians, can tell you stories of grace and strength they wouldn't have missed out on just to avoid this tragedy. Little victories Maynard and her family forfeited in the name of Compassion and Choices. Maynard wanted to escape this horror. Asking Life to yield the right of way to Death is how far political correctness has caused us to stoop. She wanted to "die with dignity". Believers should know you can't. Even Christ's death was not dignified.

 

 

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Isaiah 53:3

 

 

There's nothing dignified about dying. We are all dying. Some are just dying faster than others. We all have the same promise, this moment not the next.  Death is a messy affair no matter how you slice it. We die because sin entered into this world through our own selfishness according to the bible. Suffering is part of life. Believers should expect it. CLICK HERE FOR WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT SUFFERING. For the past three years, periodically, I have experienced physical pain in a capacity that invokes suicidal thoughts. Doctors have said with the conditions I have that's normal. My wife lost an uncle and aunt to suicide. Those scars don't heal any easier knowing they were in pain. While I'd never judge those who feel they are at the end of their ropes, I can tell you suicide doesn't honor God.  I'd never judge Maynard. Her actions are another story. 

 

Maynard has been branded a hero and a champion. When did heroes start looking for ways to avoid suffering? When did champions look for ways to circumvent obstacles ?

It's one thing to reach a point of unbearable pain and lose it. It's quite another to premeditate on your own demise and solicit others to help you. I fail to find the heroism in surrendering. She brought the entire nation into her situation perhaps changing the heading of our nation's moral compass.  We have long enjoyed the right to life. Now all of a sudden, we need the right die. She became the poster child for patient rights. In her eagerness to avoid all the suffering that might have came, Maynard sacrificed who knows how many good moments. What we can never know is if this decision was truly less painful than the one she would have experienced. We are left with assuming her exit was easier while advocating we euthanize humans like animals. To date , no one has confirmed a painless transition to the otherside via drugs. Some studies have challenged it while it maybe quicker and quieter. The whole lit makes it easier for the family is up for debate too. Ask anyone from the families I mentioned. Maynard allowed the cancer to rob her of some of her life. She gave the disease control. Her chosen manner of death has now dwarfed her life and that's sad. She wanted to give death dignity but the only cachet she gave death was victory.

 

Though death is never a dignitary, you can live with dignity. Even with cancer.

 Blogger Kathy Raff said this in her post appropriately titled "Living with Cancer and Jesus" "Cancer (or other undesirable circumstance) can make you:

Bitter, angry, sad, frightened, unsure of your future, withdraw from family and friends, depressed, lonely, abandoned, feel like your spirit and soul have been crushed, feel less than, question God’s love for you."..."Cancer can make your mind go places it shouldn’t ought to go.  In 2008 I was diagnosed with kidney cancer.  I remember one particular night that was very trying while I was waiting for the biopsy report.  We did not know if I had cancer yet.   My mind was reeling in several directions at the same time with fearful doubts and thoughts.  These thoughts do not come from God, but from Satan.  He will do anything to capitalize on the tinyest negative thought in our minds.  It was a psycological torture." But she found strength in these words“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  John 14:27 

You can be bold. You can endure, if for no other reason, to say to the world life is precious. It's a gift from God. I saw my grandfather hold on until Christmas with purpose. He fixed his eyes on it like it were a prize. He was determined not to allow death to darken our celebration of when Life itself came to Earth. I watched Monte boldly battle the disease. We attacked it with humor. Shortly after his surgery, I pinned a jewel to his bandage pretending it was a turban. I called him "Ahab the Arab". We were Ray Stevens Fans. While speaking to his mother and gaining her blessing to include his story here, I am certain his disease and death were not victorious over Monte, his family, or his friends. We choose to remember that mischievous grin. My pastor, Kevin Childs, wasn't defeated by this disease . While battling lung cancer he would stroll through the congregation as if he had both eyes on Jesus and one foot in heaven already. He liked to say " he was invincible until God was through with him". This week, I saw the slipping hands of those leaving and staying grasping together in hope of a life free from death. There's something to hold on to. I've seen that picture before. It's bittersweet but we have hope. We know we will meet again . It'll be like Johnson's baby shampoo. "no more tears". Each of those lives, not their deaths, have prepared me for my personal journey in my faith and in my fight with cancer. No matter what uncertainty awaits, I will remember this skin is the wrapping paper God chose to present me with the precious gift of life in. It's my body, it's His temple. I cannot bring myself to destroy where He and I live and meet together. For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. Romans 14:8 

Victory in Jesus.

Missing the Boat. The Rambling Whims of Man, Who's a Little Crazy .

I'm an insomniac. Did you know it's been linked to Psychosis?  To top it off I'm talking to God right now. I'll admit to being a little crazy. Maybe it'll help others admit they are. I love to help people. Crazy people who talk to God tend to do that.  Warning: you may be reading the whims of a mad man. Though they'd never admit it, I'd bet the farm, the staunchest, most sane atheist, in my condition, pumped full of insulin and steroids, experiencing more than a little pain, looses a little sleep and secretly whispers a little prayer. If he doesn't maybe he's a little more nuts than me. Right about here, my buddy, Kevin Child's, would have had something real snarky to interject about "more nuts" concerning my previous medical condition. He'd had a field day making puns tying the two conditions together. He'd remind me the bible says a merry heart does the body good like a medicine. I'm feeling better just thinking 'bout that. Sorry, but the best I can offer you right now is : This medicine is supposed to keep my head from swelling but if you ask me, the atheist need it worse than I do and I've had the big head a long time.

I've studied the Bible. I'm no expert. Over the years, I've seen the so called experts get it wrong time and time again. They wrap and spin an educated theory (in other words they guess and assume) around the most complicated theological concepts while missing the boat when it comes to the gospel .

  The simplest, most beautiful parts are mysterious enough. I've pondered the more complicated aspects of my faith never forgetting His promises. Promises like "no one knows " and his "thoughts are above our thoughts". Job says God is too wonderful to understand.

 Today, I heard there are 7500 or so promises in the bible. On the Eve of this surgery, I am claiming them all. Even the ones I don't know. Especially John 3:16. Pardon the ramblings of a sober yet drugged up insomniac. Lord, I know you never sleep. I know you have a holy sense of humor. But you knew this wasn't what I meant when I asked you to make me more like you. Still, I'm listening and doing my best to be obedient. Even though it's midnight. By now, I know this is going to be all night. Tweaking. It's kinda fun just me and you hanging out. But it's exhausting. An easy yoke, and a light burden would be nice, right about say now, Lord. Just saying.

 

Here's what I hearing and penning as a nearby train howles like a lone wolf in the background. The only soothing sound right now is the voice of the Holy Spirit . Reminding me this is my favorite day of the week. Monday is here. The day my group meets to worship and study. Some  loud mouth at the nurse's station sounds just like my buddy Jim Brown. If a voice besides God's is keeping me awake, at least it sounds just like the one who has constantly said  " I got your back ". You don't see signs when you don't listen for them. God may be a fisherman, but he gave things for us to hunt. Blessed is the hunter that would be a fisher of men.  Book of Cletus chapter 1:1 cause I ain't adding nothing to a perfect book.

Is there a more beautiful yet simply complicated mystery than redemption?

Grace is a promise of the empty tomb. An easy burden only if you embrace crosses. Not only Christ's cross but the one He promises anyone who would follow Him. I've never gotten over the mystery of grace. It continues to memorized me beyond whatever Freewill I have or had. I hope it continues to do so for I have little to no faith in myself. I'll discuss but never debate how people come to Christ. Or how they stay in Christ. But I'll tell anyone the only hope there is for us is Christ. 

 If there's a meaning to this life it has to be "Love God, love people. Do something about it." It sounds simple but... it's totally mysterious. May it become not only our mantra. Say it over and over until you have the faith to plant seeds because a " faith without works is dead." I pray those seeds will spring forth and resurrect your joy until you're willing to "Charge the gates of hell with a squirt gun." Those are my favorite quotes from my pastor Kevin Childs. May they become our fight song, our battle cry. A sort of divine rebel yell that scares the hell out lost souls as we proclaim a victory for the kingdom. Stay with me there's a point to this punning madness.

There's lots of hype coming from the new Left Behind movie. There are several theories concerning the rapture. I've studied them all. I've no definitive opinion on it.  I'm no end times guru but this much is for certain. Anybody who knows God's in control, knows a tetrad of Blood Moons and total eclipses of the sun, coinciding with major Jewish celebrations, aren't just some cosmic coincidences. However, the only mystery God ever called me to unravel is how so many who claim Him don't see the need to be His hands and feet. Christ is returning and we are closer than we've ever been for sure . Still, the rapture remains a mystery, at least for me. I encouraged you to watch "Left Behind"  while remembering this is Hollywood. Not Holywood. Jesus said not one i would be left without a dot. No "t"s left uncrossed. So one little extra misplaced or misguided "L" could be important .

Don't expect or accept this as the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, cause it ain't a testimony. They market. They entertain.This is only one theory concerning a biblical mystery. 

Here's what I know.

While Jesus tells us to watch for His return, look for signs, He also says be busy doing the master's work.

Jesus says don't worry. Work and be prepared. If you ain't working you ain't prepared. Stop asking, what are we going to do? Do something! There's plenty to do besides star gazing. None love star gazing more than me but we have to worship Jesus more. We have to love people above anything created. We have to love others more than ourselves. And we have to love proving it by doing something.

One of the enemy's best lies has long been "you have plenty of time." And " you 'll get a second chance". That scares me for non Christians. The reality is you're only one breath away from no second chance.  That could supersede the rapture for you. It will have for most of mankind. For over two thousand years, as far as it concerns salvation for most believers and non believers, Jesus has already has come. If few find the long way, the straight and narrow road less traveled in a world where the Holy Spirit indwells believers, how easy do you think it'll be once they're gone? We all need Jesus now! Likewise, It concerns me ill prepared Christians in America watch the news and skies thinking we will beat tribulation. In case you've missed it ( pun intended) there's a plague that's killing 90 percent of people that get it and Muslims are beheading those who refuse to covert right here. They're slaughtering our brothers and sisters abroad. While Americans hum "when you wish upon a star" instead of  "whistle while you work " , people are digging their own graves. And the sky hasn't split open for the elect's sake yet. I suggest singing " Here I Am, Lord." I'm posting the lyrics at the bottom Sing it until you mean it.

 So, for you who wonder why I can face the possibility of death candidly with a humorous flare, it's because dying with Christ is far less terrifying than living for Him. Better hope for the best and plan for the worst. There are complications worst than death associated with this surgery. By the way, speaking of hope, if you put that in man it better be a god. His name better be Jesus. As Job says " though He slay me I will trust Him. As Rich Mullins said,

" if I stand, let me stand on the promise you will pull me through. If I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you. If I sing, let me sing for the joy you've born in me these songs.  And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home".

 

Missing out on serving God by serving others would be the tragedy of being left behind regardless if the and especially if it comes in your lifetime.

I encourage you to realize a universal truth for believers and non believers. "Only eternal things matter." Depending on your focus, what you are going to leave behind, will determine if you get left behind. Make an eternal investment in heaven. Make a life with Christ. Life's too short not to do something. A little crazy, that is.

 

Artist: Hymns Album: Unknown Title: Here I Am, Lord I, the Lord of sea and sky, I have heard My people cry. All who dwell in dark and sin, My hand will save. I who made the stars of night, I will make their darkness bright. Who will bear My light to them? Whom shall I send? Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord? I have heard You calling in the night. I will go Lord, if You lead me. I will hold Your people in my heart. I, the Lord of snow and rain, I have born my peoples pain. I have wept for love of them, They turn away. I will break their hearts of stone, Give them hearts for love alone. I will speak My word to them, Whom shall I send? Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord? I have heard You calling in the night. I will go Lord, if You lead me. I will hold Your people in my heart. I, the Lord of wind and flame, I will tend the poor and lame. I will set a feast for them, My hand will save Finest bread I will provide, Till their hearts be satisfied. I will give My life to them, Whom shall I send? Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord? I have heard You calling in the night. I will go Lord, if You lead me. I will hold Your people in my heart.

Coincidences

Somewhere out there is a well-meaning friend baffled by my belief how an all powerful God, who allowed my brain tumor, can love me. They say I just look for God in life's explainable coincidences. I say He fitted me and my circumstances inside His divine plan and I'm glad. I say despite the enemy's role within the circumstances, God's always in control. He's plan is perfect.  Before it's over, I'll probably have enough explainable coincidences of how He prepared me, brought me through, and propelled me forward through this, for His glory,  to write a book.  We could debate the issue for days. From my buddies to Dawkins, the most common arguement against the existence of the God of the bible is "He must be cruel". I think nature is cruel because man was/is cruel. I think man is cruel because he chose to be. Disobedient, to God that is. Funny how a society incapable of judging anything sinful can judge God. That's not a coincidence it's irony. What a strange coincidence it would be, that the bible predicts and explains such. Apparently, to them the only way part of the bible could be true is if God is a cruel judge. Remarkably, those "without excuse",       (-P̶a̶r̶d̶o̶n̶- the biblical reference ) act unafraid of this possibility. Instead of scaring sense into them, this fuels their belief anyone who believes differently is intellectually challenged. In the case they might not be idiots, Richard Dawkins and likes of would add the adjectives insane and evil, just like their God. To them, what Christians believe to be a plan, can be explained as gigantic fluke. Circumstantial evidence (or the lack of) at best, accounts for everything and even nothing, simultaneously, for them.  Most of the time, they shake their heads as I bow mine. 

To them, there are no divine appointments like this. 

I've been praying for the surgeons to have the heart and mind of Christ. Call me crazy. I'm used to it. 

Years ago, some unknown missionary, while spreading the gospel, converted an an unknown Korean girl. Her family, who followed Confucius, converted because of her transformation. Along with the missionaries, they started a school for the poor. Or so the story goes, according to the Christian doctor drilling the hole in my head, Monday. He says he owes not only his religion but also his education to those who shared the gospel with his grandmother, who once followed Confucius. It's a lineage, though untraceable, back to the heart and mind of Christ.  So, I have my confirmation, an answer from a God they say doesn't exist. It will only be another coincidence that I'll owe my life to a man who believes. Just a random chance will have caused a missionary schools founded by believers to impact his life then save mine. They choose not to see it, as if, every beautiful discovery was made by those not searching for things they were sure didn't exist. Is that scientific? Nope, just another strange coincidence predicted in the bible. 

In the meantime, my super intellectual friends, completely fulfilled in this life and all it has to offer,  who are convinced there's nothing more, and are sure of my delusional state and strange coincidences, have something to ponder upon. Why on earth would Duke University allow such a scientificly deficit, an idiot who even believes in Christ, to preform brain surgery? I can't speak for Duke university. However, my personal reason is if you have to have a idiot get under skin to the point they get into your head, well it wouldn't be you. 

Who Would You Fly With? A Different Diagnosis

What do you do when two doctors look at the same MRI and come up with two completely different diagnosis? The doctor at Duke gave us less certainty about what we are dealing with. The good news is the tumor might not be in the brain. It could be just close enough to the pituitary to appear so. It may be in the bone. So who do we believe ? Does it even matter? The bottom line is no matter whatever or wherever this is, it must come out. 

When weighing opinions, nothing trumps experience. When landing a plane in a storm, do you want the new hot shot pilot or the guy who has landed the plan for years? When the experienced pilot says he's not sure where he's gonna land the plane, it just boils down to trusting in his ability to land it. The doctor at Duke could be wrong about what this is. He even said so. But he's my doctor and I trust him. He'll take care of whatever comes along with my body. I have faith in my pilot and his ability to navigate  through storms. Only this doctor's not my pilot.

 I'm not a frequent flier to the doctor's office but I have flown in planes a number of times. Even had to make a an emergency landing once. Figuratively, my pilot has made such landings with me as well as countless others.

 My pilot never tells me what course we are on. He only says we'll eventually land safely at home. Along the way we will be landing and refueling at preselected areas. In the meantime, I'm to set back and enjoy the flight. He's assured me, he will either calm the storms or keep me calm in them. Since I'm not in the cockpit, I'm not sure if there are dark clouds or clear skies ahead. But that's ok, because I can't fly the plane anyway. Honestly, sometimes I like for him to fly through the storms. I love to see him show off those moves. Just so I can brag about how good he is. Oh look, Jesus just turned on the fasten your seatbelt sign.  

The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him. (Nahum 1:7 ESV)

A Tell of Two Doctors

I don't usually like going to the doctor.

Now, I don't have White Coat Syndrome but I avoid the doctor like the plague. We often treat going to the doctor as if we are on death row and they are executioners. More than once, I've heard my wife say jokingly,"if people stay away from doctor, they won't get sick." What a humorous yet tragic misconception. Sure, it's laughable until you actually need a physician. 

Faced with a potentially life threatening condition, suddenly I want a doctor. Or in this case five or more.

His diagnosis: treatable not curable. The benign mass has attached itself to the carotid artery which prevents 50% to 40% from being removed. Bottom line: a dangerous surgery, (twice as dangerous as bypass surgery. so pray neither of us sneezes) a tumor that will grow back, and a lifetime commitment to manage the problem. Over all, our first encounter went well. I suspect we will become great friends and in that, my trust in him will grow. Still, I'm already comparing him to another physician.

 Jesus calls Himself a doctor. It's no wonder. His patients treat Him as we treat our earthly doctors. Some have no idea they are infected. Others hope by not showing up at the doctor 's office they won't be diagnosed or contract the disease. Some question treatment others flat out refuse it.  It's tragic, since the cure has been paid for in full.

His diagnosis: Sin addiction. Terminal if left untreated. Curable but with lifelong symptoms that must be continually managed by patient and doctor.  Surgery must be done on your heart and mind. To  treat the symptoms apply God's word daily.  It's a universal medicine. You can become addicted but you can't overdose. Additionally, the patient should make regular daily appointments with the doctor through prayer. As well as, frequent visits to the local hospital called the church, the patient will be encouraged to attend a support group of recovering addicts.

Everything will be left up to the doctor except the patient's confidence.

 As I further examine the similarity of these two doctors, I only have faith in one of them. He ultimately has the last say in all things. As far as the other guy goes, what kinda of idiot would I have to be to go through brain surgery and not follow the doctor's orders? I know, the ridiculously stupid kind with a death wish.  And He ain't even God. Ever notice it's those not following doctors who complain about their progress?  Take the doggone medicine.

Pecan Trees and Brain Tumors

It was fourteen feet in just 5 years. Pretty good for a amateur arborist. The day I planted my pecan tree my youngest daughter asked my wife ,"why is daddy planting a stick ?" I did everything right. It was regulaly pruned. The proper fertilizer was used. I watered it regularly and treated it for pest. It was beautiful right up until it died. I was perplexed and kinda ticked off. I put a good bit of time and money into that tree.  Except it wasn't dead. It isn't fourteen feet anymore but from the root a new tree is growing. I now envision a stronger more beautiful tree than before.

What in the world does that have to do with a brain tumor? Absolutely nothing. Unless, you have an epidermoid growing inside your head and the tree just happens to be planted where you see it everyday. I have known for a week today what my friends have known for years. My problems are all in my head. Since this is a congenital defect, they've been right all along. They've always said, "boy you ain't never been right in the head!" Who knew I had such prophetic friends! The tumor is large but benign and removable. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. So here's what the pecan tree reminds a man who's about to have a literal hole in his head.

I didn't expect the tree to die. I did not expect the tree to come back either.  Despite our efforts when it comes to Pecans (and everything else), crop production is not our our job. Our job is to plant, water, and harvest. I've seen those farthest from God come to know Him best. I've seen those I considered saints throw in the towel on the good fight. I've seen tragedy and miracles. So to strengthen our faith and in causing our focus of total dependency upon Him, God continually reminds us to expect the unexpected.  

The Tree's connection to life was its roots.  Likewise our foundation, our roots, must be connected to the giver of life. I don't even want to imagine facing this without a relationship with Christ. I have had a fleeting moment just long enough to convey this message to the enemy. God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7 ESV)

It's not my pecan tree. It's not my skin, body or even my tumor. Everything is God's. And He can and will do what He wants. My buddy Kevin Child's said it like this.  "God does what He wants. When he wants to.  To and through what and who He wants to. And He's always right." The bible teaches us all things were created for His pleasure. And it will be Good. Revelation 4:11 Romans 8:28