When I Just Don't Know

 Three words I hate are "I don't know". I hated saying those words and how they made me feel. I cringed everytime I heard them from nonbelievers. If "what if" is a monster, "I don't know" is a prison. I have my own personal cell like Otis from the Andy Griffith show. I keep letting myself in and out. Occasionally, Jesus keeps posting my bail. Humorous as it is, it was wise for Otis to keep returning voluntarily to the jail. "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" is a sobering cliche.
Not knowing what to do is a clear indication of one of two things.
A.
you have lost focus on your creator and he isn't controlling you.
B.
  you've never accepted and given the creator control over you.

I don't mean God isn't in control. He does what He wants, when He wants, to whom He wants, how He wants to. Even though He has plan already in place, He has given us the ability to choose things.  We can choose to be controlled by Him, or by things of this world. People who don't know what to do, often don't know enough about what or who they believe in.  The world will say believe in yourself but sooner or later, that will come down like a house of cards. There is no escaping our inevitable collapse. It's hard to to find meaning or purpose for your life within those thoughts.

There is no meaning or purpose to this life apart from Christ. Focusing on Christ, sharpens not only the vision but the projection of a believer.
Being controlled by Christ, uniquely shields believers from and sets them free from "I don't knows". That doesn't mean He will give you all the answers. Often when obedient, I'm left with little more to show than puzzled or disappointed looks. Because He gives purpose to mystery, we need to keep moving even in our uncertainty. We need to continually fight the enemy.

So to combat this stifling spirit of confusion, do two things.
Do something you know to do. Honorable and decent things. Serve God by serving others. According to Galations 5, in doing so, we will enjoy the fruit of the spirit. In any case "against such things there is no law."

Do nothing you have to question. If you have to wonder if its right, don't do it. Protect the image you project. The best example of what to be or not be is probably found in   Read Romans 14  Verse 21 sums it up. "It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble." Most confusing "I don't knows" could be avoided by following a simple formula. God first, people second, ourselves last.

Jesus refers to himself as "the light of the world". In Matthew 5:14 He calls His people the "light of the world." Shining good works before all men may very well start with illuminating and eliminating stumbling blocks along the way to glorifying God. No matter how bright the bulb is, a dingy cover will restrict it. Don't let anything prevent more of Him from shining through you.

This world is filled with a lot of "I don't knows" but our lives are filled by the the one who knows, everything about any and everything there is to know about and them some. Like a concerned parent, He sometimes forcefully spoon feeds our medicine to us. Even in those trying times, as Matt suggested, I can hear Him whisper, "keep your fork, dessert's coming." I can almost taste it.

Pastor Refuses to Marry Straight Couple.

When my wife, of 21 years, and I decided to get married on January 28, 1994 my pastor said no. He had his reasons. I did not and still do not agree with his logic based on our particular situation. So, call me a rebel, I found another pastor.  Good thing to, or the very fabric of our nation's human right's might have unraveled prematurely since I couldn't have my way. We couldn't have the moral thread of our nation unravel prematurely now, could we?

I asked my wife to marry me on October 16,1993. The second anniversary of the first time we held hands. We were going to get married the following October. But December brought us a surprise gift. Hand holding got sloppy. Let's just say our situation required action. We had a baby on the way. We had fallen into our own sexual sin. Actions will follow repentance. Since two wrongs don't make a right, at least in my mind, there was only one right thing left to do. Make and preserve a family, regain my honor.  In any case, I had proven I wasn't good at waiting. 

The pastor wanted time to council us. I told him the council time had been sacrificed to more palatable activities. We wanted to be married that day.

Even though I'm from a hick town in the south and was still in my youth and inexperience, I was intelligent enough to know both parties were not going to be satisfied. The guy had every right to say no. I applaud him for not making a easy $150 for a hour of compromising his convictions. I knew a bribe was a crime but never dreamed refusing money for ethical reasons would become one. Confused yet?  How is anyone supposed to know what to do? Who knew, refusing to marry a couple would become a criminal offense?

Somethings are super complicated. Mostly, because we make them that way.  Some of us overthink, others are just too oblivious to see the forest for the trees. If you have to be one or the other, even though ignorance is bliss, I'd rather be the over thinker.  Now more than ever, I'm seeing things that scare me for unbelievers. 

 

It's too much of a downward spiral for me to say we're on a slippery slope. It's more like we're toddlers, who stumbled into the wrong restroom, and flushed the good stuff down the toilet. I am talking about Houston's "bathroom law". (Google it) It might be the craziest solution ever offered to those with an identity crisis. Similarly, Coeur d'Alene promises jail time to those not willing to perform same sex marriages. Apparently, places like Houston and Coeur d'Alene, are ready to sacrifice Lady Liberty on an altar hypocritically inscribed as human "rights". Until just recently, I knew the difference between rights and privileges. I thought, I shouldn't need a license to qualify for a right. Now, like the rest of the nation I'm so confused. Since truth is constant, I consider these words from the Declaration of Independence, for clarity.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--"

These rights are given by our creator. "Nature's God" and men pledging their "sacred honor" have been the only defense of human rights of which I am aware. Anyone with the deducing skills of a goldfish can tell you no rights can be defended without the First Amendment. Few remain in Washington that hold anything sacred enough to pledge to. Honor might as well be extinct. Meaning unless "Nature's God" steps up, men will make slaves of men again.

 Slavery? Isn't that a stretch  No, being put in jail for refusing to perform a service is forced labor. It's never good business to give your business to someone that doesn't want it. I wonder if anyone on a foreign relations committee ever said that? I digress. I'm talking about forcing photographers, bakers, and pastors to provide you services they don't want to. Why would you want them to? You can lable the sermon snatch anything you'd like, except correct, but it is a particularly sadistic nature creating a dilemma between a man's principles and his livelihood. It not like we need to be forced to blind side our ethics over a dollar. The whole scenario should scare the pants off the gay community. Strip a society of its scruples and anarchy will follow. More truth from the Declaration of Independence, "all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed." Historically anarchy isn't pleasant for anyone. Especially homosexuals. It's not like they did so great void of Christian input in Stalin's reign. Or Hitlers. They'll fair worst under Islam. You might think that's a stretch but look how far we've fallen in the lifetime of my child. We're ready to imprison pastors for not compromising their convictions. If a man's religious freedom can be sacrificed for your pursuit of Happiness, how will you stay happy? If you're willing to sacrifice someone's honor for your happiness you missed not only Christ but the spirit of freedom. Are you sure the right to Life will be sacred enough to preserve? In any case, you no longer have the luxury of stating "we're only hurting ourselves . "

If God exists, then freedom could've only come from Him. 

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17.

Christians hold life sacred. Liberty sacred. An individual's pursuit to Happiness without destroying sacred items sacred. We hold marriage sacred. Because those things come from God.

We are for marriage between a man and woman? Christians recognize sacred items because we realize in our own selfishness we were willing to sacrifice the most sacred thing of all, Jesus Christ. He loves you. He wants us to stop sinning and hold things sacred. I love you and got your back right up to where you turn it on God. Even then, I wont stab you in it.

 Are you sure you're looking at this right? Are you sure, "I was born this way" is an appropriate defense for what's happening now?

"God is not the author of confusion." 1 Corinthians 14:33

Curiously, back in 1994 it never occurred to me to have my pastor arrested. I've never wanted someone who didn't want my money to have it. I'm certainly not gonna beg them to take it, let alone force them. But then again, I never have had hard time figuring out which bathroom to use since I was five. That's just me.  We aren't toddlers, could we be just plain wrong?

What God Cannot Do: Tumor Update

I don't believe in luck. I believe in a plan. No coincidences, no accidents. I believe in something more than fate and destiny. I believe in a designer.

I see God as an architect. The design is perfect but because He uses less than perfect beings in His plan, He has to cover up their mistakes. In the end, all the corners we cut will be unseen. Perfection will be all that remains after covered by His blood.

I've often compared Jesus to a pilot. Some might say we've been circling the "valley of the shadow of death" a little too close for comfort. I've walked in this valley with family and friends. I found out  comfort's overrated. I prefer an awesome view. Awesome views require efforts. Photos are nice but there's nothing like being there. So, let's get a little closer. Most people sacrifice too much life just to be comfortable. 

 The operation was a success. Most of the tumor was removed. We'll know more the next MRI. The initial diagnosis of a benign tumor was wrong. It's a chordoma not an epidermoid. Meaning it's cancer. Specialized radiation will follow in Boston.  As far as cancer goes, about as good as it gets. Battle lines have been drawn.

A few Sundays from now we'll start a new series called Fight. God's timing wows me. For some time now, it's been very clear to me the enemy has stated "this means war." With God's help, I intend to give him one. Before finding out about this tumor, I was spreading the gospel. Just a week before my first episode with my tumor, I applied to Liberty University with a major of evangelism. The tumor is probably the answer to getting the impossible done.. Holy sabotage, when will Satan learn?  If anything I intend to be more urgent, since I have the enemy's attention. I encourage you to be an adversary of hell to the point Satan wages war. You need supplies, not comfort, to be formidable. If you're comfortable with merely surviving, Jesus is going to give you a wake up call. Trust me, there are things an almighty God can not do.

He cannot lie. Meaning He won't break His promises. I will have them in this life or the next. I will be rescued. This is working together for my good. This is the best thing that could have happened. Ask Bob Granata, if a tree landing on his house in August 2012, was the best thing? You'll get a different answer than the night I picked him up. We prayed through tear filled eyes but we claimed Romans 8:28. 

He cannot be wrong. Make no mistake about it, God doesn't make mistakes. "His plan included you and me and this day. Forever He knew it would be this way." I didn't plan on tumors or cancer but God did. He's ready for this even if I'm not. He's used to carrying me. Dragging me might be more like it. I'm ready to praise Him for it. All of it. Don't you dare not rejoice in this.

He cannot fail.  And he won't. He's in control. His plan is perfect, not easy. I asked for a larger testimony. He gives us what we ask for. "Don't pray that unless you mean it". Now where have I heard that before ? Oh yeah, from Kevin at the Rock, countless times over sevin years. 

You get God can do anything, but He's too holy to to some things,right?

I'm inviting you on this journey to show you how sweet it can be. Let's experience this life preparing for the next. The plane is always circling the shadow of the valley of death. Sure, you can pull the blind down or close your eyes to ignore it. Stick your head in the sand.  If you do, you'll likely miss a glimpse of something wonderful and beautiful over the horizon. Like heaven. 

Missing the Boat. The Rambling Whims of Man, Who's a Little Crazy .

I'm an insomniac. Did you know it's been linked to Psychosis?  To top it off I'm talking to God right now. I'll admit to being a little crazy. Maybe it'll help others admit they are. I love to help people. Crazy people who talk to God tend to do that.  Warning: you may be reading the whims of a mad man. Though they'd never admit it, I'd bet the farm, the staunchest, most sane atheist, in my condition, pumped full of insulin and steroids, experiencing more than a little pain, looses a little sleep and secretly whispers a little prayer. If he doesn't maybe he's a little more nuts than me. Right about here, my buddy, Kevin Child's, would have had something real snarky to interject about "more nuts" concerning my previous medical condition. He'd had a field day making puns tying the two conditions together. He'd remind me the bible says a merry heart does the body good like a medicine. I'm feeling better just thinking 'bout that. Sorry, but the best I can offer you right now is : This medicine is supposed to keep my head from swelling but if you ask me, the atheist need it worse than I do and I've had the big head a long time.

I've studied the Bible. I'm no expert. Over the years, I've seen the so called experts get it wrong time and time again. They wrap and spin an educated theory (in other words they guess and assume) around the most complicated theological concepts while missing the boat when it comes to the gospel .

  The simplest, most beautiful parts are mysterious enough. I've pondered the more complicated aspects of my faith never forgetting His promises. Promises like "no one knows " and his "thoughts are above our thoughts". Job says God is too wonderful to understand.

 Today, I heard there are 7500 or so promises in the bible. On the Eve of this surgery, I am claiming them all. Even the ones I don't know. Especially John 3:16. Pardon the ramblings of a sober yet drugged up insomniac. Lord, I know you never sleep. I know you have a holy sense of humor. But you knew this wasn't what I meant when I asked you to make me more like you. Still, I'm listening and doing my best to be obedient. Even though it's midnight. By now, I know this is going to be all night. Tweaking. It's kinda fun just me and you hanging out. But it's exhausting. An easy yoke, and a light burden would be nice, right about say now, Lord. Just saying.

 

Here's what I hearing and penning as a nearby train howles like a lone wolf in the background. The only soothing sound right now is the voice of the Holy Spirit . Reminding me this is my favorite day of the week. Monday is here. The day my group meets to worship and study. Some  loud mouth at the nurse's station sounds just like my buddy Jim Brown. If a voice besides God's is keeping me awake, at least it sounds just like the one who has constantly said  " I got your back ". You don't see signs when you don't listen for them. God may be a fisherman, but he gave things for us to hunt. Blessed is the hunter that would be a fisher of men.  Book of Cletus chapter 1:1 cause I ain't adding nothing to a perfect book.

Is there a more beautiful yet simply complicated mystery than redemption?

Grace is a promise of the empty tomb. An easy burden only if you embrace crosses. Not only Christ's cross but the one He promises anyone who would follow Him. I've never gotten over the mystery of grace. It continues to memorized me beyond whatever Freewill I have or had. I hope it continues to do so for I have little to no faith in myself. I'll discuss but never debate how people come to Christ. Or how they stay in Christ. But I'll tell anyone the only hope there is for us is Christ. 

 If there's a meaning to this life it has to be "Love God, love people. Do something about it." It sounds simple but... it's totally mysterious. May it become not only our mantra. Say it over and over until you have the faith to plant seeds because a " faith without works is dead." I pray those seeds will spring forth and resurrect your joy until you're willing to "Charge the gates of hell with a squirt gun." Those are my favorite quotes from my pastor Kevin Childs. May they become our fight song, our battle cry. A sort of divine rebel yell that scares the hell out lost souls as we proclaim a victory for the kingdom. Stay with me there's a point to this punning madness.

There's lots of hype coming from the new Left Behind movie. There are several theories concerning the rapture. I've studied them all. I've no definitive opinion on it.  I'm no end times guru but this much is for certain. Anybody who knows God's in control, knows a tetrad of Blood Moons and total eclipses of the sun, coinciding with major Jewish celebrations, aren't just some cosmic coincidences. However, the only mystery God ever called me to unravel is how so many who claim Him don't see the need to be His hands and feet. Christ is returning and we are closer than we've ever been for sure . Still, the rapture remains a mystery, at least for me. I encouraged you to watch "Left Behind"  while remembering this is Hollywood. Not Holywood. Jesus said not one i would be left without a dot. No "t"s left uncrossed. So one little extra misplaced or misguided "L" could be important .

Don't expect or accept this as the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, cause it ain't a testimony. They market. They entertain.This is only one theory concerning a biblical mystery. 

Here's what I know.

While Jesus tells us to watch for His return, look for signs, He also says be busy doing the master's work.

Jesus says don't worry. Work and be prepared. If you ain't working you ain't prepared. Stop asking, what are we going to do? Do something! There's plenty to do besides star gazing. None love star gazing more than me but we have to worship Jesus more. We have to love people above anything created. We have to love others more than ourselves. And we have to love proving it by doing something.

One of the enemy's best lies has long been "you have plenty of time." And " you 'll get a second chance". That scares me for non Christians. The reality is you're only one breath away from no second chance.  That could supersede the rapture for you. It will have for most of mankind. For over two thousand years, as far as it concerns salvation for most believers and non believers, Jesus has already has come. If few find the long way, the straight and narrow road less traveled in a world where the Holy Spirit indwells believers, how easy do you think it'll be once they're gone? We all need Jesus now! Likewise, It concerns me ill prepared Christians in America watch the news and skies thinking we will beat tribulation. In case you've missed it ( pun intended) there's a plague that's killing 90 percent of people that get it and Muslims are beheading those who refuse to covert right here. They're slaughtering our brothers and sisters abroad. While Americans hum "when you wish upon a star" instead of  "whistle while you work " , people are digging their own graves. And the sky hasn't split open for the elect's sake yet. I suggest singing " Here I Am, Lord." I'm posting the lyrics at the bottom Sing it until you mean it.

 So, for you who wonder why I can face the possibility of death candidly with a humorous flare, it's because dying with Christ is far less terrifying than living for Him. Better hope for the best and plan for the worst. There are complications worst than death associated with this surgery. By the way, speaking of hope, if you put that in man it better be a god. His name better be Jesus. As Job says " though He slay me I will trust Him. As Rich Mullins said,

" if I stand, let me stand on the promise you will pull me through. If I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you. If I sing, let me sing for the joy you've born in me these songs.  And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home".

 

Missing out on serving God by serving others would be the tragedy of being left behind regardless if the and especially if it comes in your lifetime.

I encourage you to realize a universal truth for believers and non believers. "Only eternal things matter." Depending on your focus, what you are going to leave behind, will determine if you get left behind. Make an eternal investment in heaven. Make a life with Christ. Life's too short not to do something. A little crazy, that is.

 

Artist: Hymns Album: Unknown Title: Here I Am, Lord I, the Lord of sea and sky, I have heard My people cry. All who dwell in dark and sin, My hand will save. I who made the stars of night, I will make their darkness bright. Who will bear My light to them? Whom shall I send? Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord? I have heard You calling in the night. I will go Lord, if You lead me. I will hold Your people in my heart. I, the Lord of snow and rain, I have born my peoples pain. I have wept for love of them, They turn away. I will break their hearts of stone, Give them hearts for love alone. I will speak My word to them, Whom shall I send? Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord? I have heard You calling in the night. I will go Lord, if You lead me. I will hold Your people in my heart. I, the Lord of wind and flame, I will tend the poor and lame. I will set a feast for them, My hand will save Finest bread I will provide, Till their hearts be satisfied. I will give My life to them, Whom shall I send? Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord? I have heard You calling in the night. I will go Lord, if You lead me. I will hold Your people in my heart.

What Can You Tolerate?

In my own opinion, I'm a person who tolerates a lot. I'm not sure exactly what I'm comparing myself to but it's what I feel. Even when the world tells me that I'm not, I still believe I'm normal. If I'm not normal, can we still be friends? I need to come out of the closet and tell you what I really am. I'm a bible believing Christian. Can you tolerate me? Can you accept  me and my worldview without asking me to conform to yours? If I believe we traded holiness for tolerance and that we should return to holiness, is that a problem? Can I tell you all these things about myself and you still love me? You can be just as tolerate as I can? Great. I want to know, if I try to "change attitudes", like Family Equality does, will it be ok? I need you to know the truth. We both can't be normal. We both can't be right. Do you still love me?

We lost this nation, not to political correctness, but to Christian apathy.  Though there never will be a political solution to a spiritual problem, churches tolerated liberal agenda. Social programs replaced Christian charity. Wolves in sheep's clothing moved in and we let them. If people were looking for love in all the wrong places, then we didn't give them anywhere else to look. Many pastors void of spine and guts refused to tell the biblical truth from the pulpit. It's much easier to point fingers or turn a blind eye than bandage wounds. Parishioners tolerated it because it felt good. Homosexuality became the scape goat to atone for greed, gluttony, and sloth. Likewise too many pastors and parishioners couldn't or wouldn't sit with someone at the well, like Jesus did, and make friends. It's there Jesus has the opportunity to show faults with no one around. We gathered with our stones forgetting the words "neither do I condemn thee". So, they never hear "go and sin no more". 

All sin is selfishness. All sin breaks commandment número uno. That makes you into your own God. It's why picking fruit we are not supposed to equates to murdering the entire human race. That's what makes sin equal. It's why my sins are just as big as yours. It's being disobedient to God. It will damn us unless Jesus is our God. 

There's nothing God loves more than sinners. There's nothing God hates more than our sins. If you think about it, that's the way you'd want it. Otherwise, He'd left us in our sorry state without hope. In regards to your sins "neither do I condemn thee" because I am a sinner, I got no stones. For throwing that is. I will condemn sin, not sinners. Starting with my own.  There's plenty of sexual sin on my conscience. Jesus paid for all of them. We shouldn't willfully give into our sinful desires if we are trying to please Him. According to the bible, homosexual behavior is a sin. So are plenty of sexual things I've done. I'm sorry we made light of our own sins. I'm sorry we somehow ungraciously overstated yours. Both were/are sins. Whatever your sin, well that's between you and God. Not loving you enough to tell you the truth, would be between me and God. Allowing this nation to sin as a whole will be a collective problem. We don't have to agree. I love you more than our friendship.

If you're demanding I take notice of any sin and call it normal, that's sinful. 

 It's hard for me to sin and flaunt it.  At least, I hope it is. Pride in sinful activity is like doubling down on God's grace. It's too much of a gamble for me. Call it judging it you must. Maybe you're right, it's just I'm not going to argue with God about it. Not some God I made up. The God of the Bible. Not some version of God you created that makes you and I feel better about our sins. God followers never have been winners in a popularity contest. Especially these days. Just because you want to be in something sacred and holy, doesn't mean you are. Something about carrying your own cross, isn't appealing. It might mean crucifying your selfish desires for holiness.

What should scare everyone, regardless of their opinion, is how one sided the ruling is. Is this really how you want to have society determine things? Shouldn't we have the ability to define somethings and set limits on what makes them qualify as such? Or should we sacrifice everything to be tolerated?

Coincidences

Somewhere out there is a well-meaning friend baffled by my belief how an all powerful God, who allowed my brain tumor, can love me. They say I just look for God in life's explainable coincidences. I say He fitted me and my circumstances inside His divine plan and I'm glad. I say despite the enemy's role within the circumstances, God's always in control. He's plan is perfect.  Before it's over, I'll probably have enough explainable coincidences of how He prepared me, brought me through, and propelled me forward through this, for His glory,  to write a book.  We could debate the issue for days. From my buddies to Dawkins, the most common arguement against the existence of the God of the bible is "He must be cruel". I think nature is cruel because man was/is cruel. I think man is cruel because he chose to be. Disobedient, to God that is. Funny how a society incapable of judging anything sinful can judge God. That's not a coincidence it's irony. What a strange coincidence it would be, that the bible predicts and explains such. Apparently, to them the only way part of the bible could be true is if God is a cruel judge. Remarkably, those "without excuse",       (-P̶a̶r̶d̶o̶n̶- the biblical reference ) act unafraid of this possibility. Instead of scaring sense into them, this fuels their belief anyone who believes differently is intellectually challenged. In the case they might not be idiots, Richard Dawkins and likes of would add the adjectives insane and evil, just like their God. To them, what Christians believe to be a plan, can be explained as gigantic fluke. Circumstantial evidence (or the lack of) at best, accounts for everything and even nothing, simultaneously, for them.  Most of the time, they shake their heads as I bow mine. 

To them, there are no divine appointments like this. 

I've been praying for the surgeons to have the heart and mind of Christ. Call me crazy. I'm used to it. 

Years ago, some unknown missionary, while spreading the gospel, converted an an unknown Korean girl. Her family, who followed Confucius, converted because of her transformation. Along with the missionaries, they started a school for the poor. Or so the story goes, according to the Christian doctor drilling the hole in my head, Monday. He says he owes not only his religion but also his education to those who shared the gospel with his grandmother, who once followed Confucius. It's a lineage, though untraceable, back to the heart and mind of Christ.  So, I have my confirmation, an answer from a God they say doesn't exist. It will only be another coincidence that I'll owe my life to a man who believes. Just a random chance will have caused a missionary schools founded by believers to impact his life then save mine. They choose not to see it, as if, every beautiful discovery was made by those not searching for things they were sure didn't exist. Is that scientific? Nope, just another strange coincidence predicted in the bible. 

In the meantime, my super intellectual friends, completely fulfilled in this life and all it has to offer,  who are convinced there's nothing more, and are sure of my delusional state and strange coincidences, have something to ponder upon. Why on earth would Duke University allow such a scientificly deficit, an idiot who even believes in Christ, to preform brain surgery? I can't speak for Duke university. However, my personal reason is if you have to have a idiot get under skin to the point they get into your head, well it wouldn't be you. 

What If ...?

No two words gather more anxiety than "what if?". What if I loose my job? What if my spouse leaves? What if a meteor falls from the sky and obliterates the planet? Nothing is as frightening as the unknown but I've lived long enough to know most things we worry about never actually happen. For a long time I've known "what if? " is a monster.  A beloved pastor friend once said, "Jesus slays the "What If Monster." As much as it is humanly possible, I believe that.

Nothing awakens a sleeping "what if?" dragon like hearing "there's a tumor in your head and we aren't sure what it is." Even with the helmet of salvation, the "what ifs" will echo in your mind upon hearing such news. I promise you won't need, as I have had, well meaning friends  to tell you their near death experiences didn't produce any evidence of a hereafter. Expect, because of your faith and attitude toward life and death, for them to assume you have thrown in the towel. Rest assured, despite my eagerness to be with Christ and because of my desire to serve Him here, I would be quite content in growing old. 

If there's a "what if?" question concerning my current  condition that I haven't asked myself and God, I haven't got a clue of what it could be. If you know me, you know I've examined this thing from every angle three or four times. I analyze things backwards and forwards, It's who I am. It's why my faith is what it is. I've tested it from every angle I've doubted it from.

Through the years I've learned this truth. The greatest fiery dart to ever hit our shields of faith will be: what if the gospel isn't true? As deep as that rabbit hole goes it still has a bottom. I could write a book on that terrible scenario in which mankind can find no hope outside itself. There's lots of reasons why being a Christ follower makes sense to me. While many of those points would deliver a death blow to the "what if?", my weapon of choice is Love. I could make a biblical case for Love being the spiritual sword. Without the gospel, Love is reduced to just an evolved protein.  However, if this faith has been conjured up by my faculties through some grand cosmic accident, producing nothing more than chemical responses to stimuli, then I will have been better for it.  I will never make an apology for having faith, hope, and love or for spreading it. I would never trade a delusion of hope in something for a reality of nothing to hope in. If my only reward shall be the relationships made while worshiping in vain, then it will have been worth it. I'd rather spend whatever time I have with those delusional enough to recognize mankind has a collective problem than those who believe they are immune to it. Or those who believe there isn't a problem. Or worse, those who think they have the solution to the problem within themselves. Call me hopelessly romantic, but I rather be with those delusional enough to believe themselves to be broken and in need of a real thing called love. Love holds a mirror in front of "what if?". Like Medusa, it is defeated by its own ugly reflection. What if the gospel isn't true? Then our reality, our reflection is a cross minus a resurrection. "What if?" once made the mistake of holding a mirror on front of a cross. Had it only reflected what mankind had made the cross into, I would have ran from "what if?". Ironic as this may seem to some, the only scenario I give up in, is one where the cross only reflects a return to the pointless nothingness so many believe we came from. But the cross doesn't reflect just our ugliness. It reflects the most beautiful of all transformations of when the universe dared to ask Jesus ," what if?" Only God could have changed that ugly image of death into one of faith, hope, and Love. He can transform the darkness with the tiniest of lights. Since He first said," let there be light"the darkness has been running scared .Imagine what that power could do for your reflection.