Let`s be Honest: Tumor Update

I can be brutally honest. I prefer to be that way. Even when it hurts, I love people enough to tell them the truth and want them to do the same for me. Now, I would never insult your intelligence by claiming to never lie. I have been known to tell a white lie to preserve the feelings of friends. To spare someone heart ache, I might withhold information. On rare occasions, I`ve even told some whoppers to save my skin or the skins of others. Let`s be honest, sometimes being completely honest is hard. My life, for the most part, has been an open book. I usually lay all my cards on the table but I have a poker face when I need it. Please don`t think I condone lying. It`s pride being released by the lips. Jesus hates pride.
You were invited along a journey to a joyous destination since it first began in September. I`ve been honest about my faith and condition but this vessel is a little more broken than you might think. I`d be lying if I told you I trusted the claims of Christ followers who seem to be too happy. I don`t think they have followed Christ into the garden. So, I doubt they have picked up that cross He requires we carry to come after Him. I`m not talking about intentionally keeping your eye on the prize and forcing a positive attitude because God is good all the time. I get that. I still consider myself a richly blessed, highly favored, and deeply loved child of the one true king. So while I`m too blessed to distressed and too restored to be ignored, I`m too honest to fake it. My cup runneth over but even Jesus asked for a different cup. I`d be lying if I said I hadn`t.
The problem isn`t me feeling sorry for myself. I don`t want pity from you or myself. There`s so many here worse off than me without Jesus, pity them.
 It`s not a problem of lack of faith. Faith, hope, and love are the only things I know you can increase for yourself by sharing. Like Jesus, I too have prayed the Father`s will be done. I know it will be done. But do I want it to be done? No.
If I could have things my way, I`d be spending two months anywhere else but here. There hasn`t been much that made me squirm in my seat with this. Certainly not the cosmetic effects of my treatments cause, let`s be honest, you all hate me because I`m beautiful.  Who cares if you loose a little hair, when you have so much to spare?
Hearing the treatment might cause another kind of tumor to form, or cause me to loose my memory wasn`t what I wanted to hear. That`s SSWS (seat squirming worthy syndrome). Knowing it will destroy my pituitary gland, causing me to be on hormone replacement from then on, isn`t what I would have planned. I`d have skipped the news I got on Monday to have forgone the anxiety that set in on Tuesday.
If I`d have planned things here what I would have missed:
 Trimming the tree with moma, while listing to Christmas favorites, was more than just a little nostalgic. It was magical. It`s a shame it took getting cancer and traveling great distances to make that happen.
The Freedom Trail. It was a great tour that explained many things about our country`s birth and the unique role faith played in that. I`ll be worshipping on Christmas Eve in a large church that played a key role in ending slavery. The church started as a small group. How cool is that? Knowing they helped change the world and couldn`t have been nearly as cool as my small group at home, sets me on fire. Speaking of small groups, something else I would have missed, was an awesome worship with a small group, who laid hands on me. Beautiful prayers and songs filled the candlelit room where seven people, representing six different worship centers, offered praises to the one true God, from the one true church. After a day of hearing about great things that once took place in Boston, I honestly think I heard angels singing "greater things are still to be done in this city."
Truthfully, I`m still more than a little broken and more than a little anxious. I still want things my way but I `m so glad I`m not in charge. Funny, how I can`t honestly explain how that`s true, but it is.  I just don`t won`t to miss out on the good things just to avoid life`s  bumps in the road. The greatest gift God ever gave mankind, the brightest revelation of light the world has ever known, the resurrection, was given to us in our darkest moment. The day we would have stolen the life of Christ had He not freely given it to us. So even in this hour of doubt, I honestly can`t see how anything other than the best is yet to come.

THE GOD I DON'T BELIEVE IN: MY THOUGHTS ON TERESA MACBAIN

   Methodist Minister turned atheist, Teresa MacBain, was     someone I never heard of until a non-believer felt compelled to share her story with me. I probably never heard of her because I don't go looking for atheist to pick on. Even if they are the first graduate of the clergy project, a program designed to lead clergy to godlessness, I don't look for them to ridicule. I did not seek out MacBain, even though she fabricated her credentials to insure her position as a director in what amounts to an Atheist church called the Humanist Community Project. Although MacBain pulled off this deception for a year and a half, and helped lead some away from faith, it's between her and a God she doesn't believe in. MacBain got the cold shoulder from friends when she left the faith. It cost her everything to come out as an Atheist. Now that she's godless, unchurched, and been "let go" from the atheist organization she was employed by, you could say, MacBain has "nothing" to lose. In my opinion, walking away from her faith wasn't necessarily a step in the wrong direction. Simply put, I don't believe in the god MacBain doesn't believe in.

Atheist, like MacBain, and many who call themselves Christian, do not believe in the God I have a responsibilty to share with others. They don't believe in a God that wants you no matter what you've done or a God who qualifies His people by what He's done. The one described by the bible. According to a Barna pole, as many as 91% of those who identify themselves as born again, do not have a biblical word view. A biblical word view boils down into beleiving: God's all knowing, all powerful, satan is real, Jesus is sinless, salvation is a gift from God, and you have a personal responsibility to tell others about Jesus. You might expect those to be pretty standard beliefs for Christians, but Barna Research found only 51% of pastors to have a biblical world view. It certainly helps not to have one if the bible disqualifies your from holding a position to begin with. Still, it's hard to do away with the book that created the positions in the first place. Satan has been selling a feel good, half truth from the beginning. It's an easy sale to an uniformed buyer. Separate research found only 26% of Christians read their bibles regularly and 70% will never finish it.
Stats like these suggest most people don't know what they are worshipping. When atheist accuse us of worshipping a figment of our imaginations, it seems in many cases they are right. Assuming the data is correct, most people have created a god out of their feelings, skipping over the less palatable portions of the bible as if it were olives on a salad buffet. The problem is if you can't trust the apostle Paul with the stuff you don't agree with, you can't trust promises like Romans 8:28. When asked to explain, how God can be just when the law seems to support things we call wrong, I can only point to the gracious God described by Jesus in Mathew chapter 19. Jesus says because our hearts are hard God allows things that were not necessarily His original design. Otherwise, none of us would have a chance.

The bible makes many claims about itself and God. Not the least of these, is the "word was with God from the beginning."(John 1:2) It even calls the Jesus the "word" in the "flesh." (John 1:14) Once I said, "putting your finger on a page in the bible is as close as you'll could come to touching Jesus this side of heaven." My friend, Phil Adams, correctly pointed out how it's more important for the word to touch us. Faith is what Christains will walk by and live by. The bible tells us faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.(Romans 10:17) It's downright impossible to lose something you don't possess. It's equally impossible to share something you haven't got. If you walk away from the faith, it's a safe bet the word never touched you. It worries me more people remain in a false sense of security believing in something other than God than people claiming there isn't one. In Roman Chapter 1, Paul might as well have said God doesn't believe in Atheists. Even while pointing out "they are without excuse" the God of the bible is patient and wants salvation for His people.  ( 2 PETER 3:9) That will include some atheists who's minds God will change yet.  For my brothers and sisters not reading the bible, God tells us, His people are destroyed by their lack of knowledge. (Hosea4:6) For those who can't make up their minds on the bible, at least those with a biblical world view and Atheist can agree on one bible truth. "God is not the author of confusion." (1 Corinthians  14:33)

Missing Christmas

Christmas has always been a big deal to me. I love the music, the food, and the fellowship. I've heard about the Christmas rush but I've never been caught in it. For as long as I can remember, I have enjoyed sharing gifts with family and friends. It`s been hard for me to get in the Christmas spirit this year. Now, thanks to a brain tumor, I will be spending Christmas in Boston, away from my family and friends. I borrowed this years Christmas theme from the Grinch soundtrack, Where are You Christmas?  I`ve never missed Christmas before.

 Tonight, I took my family to see the Pirates Voyage. It was a new experience that served as our family Christmas dinner. The cast put us in the Christmas spirit. Our family singing Christmas songs together on the way home is bound to be the most surreal moment of this Christmas. The show was highly entertaining with a unique morphing of A Christmas Carol and their regular show. It touched on core Christian beliefs. Reminding the audience of the fiery consequence of an unredeemed life, the production highlighted God's rescue mission that began long before that first Christmas. It ended in a live nativity and communicated the only hope for mankind would come by way of the first holiday travel. There are so many lessons we can learn from that first Christmas.

The first Christmas gift was The Word of God. Instead of paper, it was wrapped in flesh wrapped in swaddling cloth. Now, gifts are found under a tree but the first one was found in a stable. Mary placed our gift in a manger. Our gifts sometimes come in boxes but we can`t put our God in one.

 The first Christmas light is still burning in the hearts of men. It was born in the shadow of a cross, overcomes the darkness of the grave, and is a lamp illuminating the only path to God. It`s the ultimate gift and a miracle for it to find you. Christmas is the beginning of " it is finished" It`s the miracle of hope. A miracle I intend to share in Boston. Like I said, I`ve never missed Christmas before. I see no reason to start now.

Don`t Let the Facts Get in the Way

 Yesterday while at Duke, one of the nurses told me, how she`d go scuba diving only if she had been diagnosed with something like I have. It`s on her bucket list.  I say, life is a death sentence. If you are waiting to live until you`re dying, God gave you the green light the day you were born. Live. Jesus came that we might live life to the fullest. Check it out John chapter ten. It`s good stuff.
Jerry Clower often said, ``never listen to the facts. If David had of listened to the facts, he never would have fought Goliath.`` For believers, those are great words to live by. Faith trumps facts, but to know that, you need to know the facts. At least then you`ll know how big the miracle is.  Some atheist like to say, `` never let the facts get in the way of a good story.``I couldn`t agree more.
 On September the 12, at my first consultation with a neurosurgeon, I was told 60% debunking of my tumor was the best I could hope for. Never let the facts get in the way of hope.  They promised me a spinal drain and a skin graph. I knew the facts. I just wasn`t listening. Like many of you, I was praying too hard to listen.
While at Duke the past two days, Doctors removed crusting left over from the surgery. It was kind of like a cystoscoping the nose while you are awake. (I absolutely can`t wait to hear the the funny comments that are sure to come after that reference ) It hurt more than a little. It probably would have hurt worse except I was still on a high. Just moments before the procedure, I found out my entire tumor is gone. Doctors have been amazed at my recovery from the surgery. So far, the fact is they have been wrong about the facts and I`m not complaining. Praise God, I have had no spinal drain, no skin graft. Now, I have no tumor. It doesn`t surprise me. When people pray, God specializes in changing the facts. I had lots of prayer and covet them still. Yesterday`s second highlight was when my Doctor`s final words to me were, ``I`ll be praying for you.``Finding out I might be well enough to dive later this year had to be a close third.

I`m not out of the woods yet, but it is encouraging.  The pathology came back as the mid grade chordoma. It could have been better but it could have been worse. Much worse.
In a few days, I`ll go to Boston for 8-1/2 weeks of daily treatments. The fact is, 51% of these tumors return after total resection. Radiation is the best prevention for regrowth. I`ll follow the Doctors orders because just one cell can cause the tumor to regrow. Periodically, I`ll be screened for cancer. I don`t think anyone would think me wise to quit now. Nobody would recommend a less aggressive treatment for this sickness. I sought the best doctors, and the best hospitals. How much sense would it make to miss appointments, skip medications, or ignore follow up treatment?

We have the best of the best when it comes to Christianity. Still, we miss many appointments with God.  We skip opportunities to grow and often ignore His instructions. Apparently, we want the cure but we are afraid of the treatment. Some seem to want to get injected with just enough Jesus to miss hell. I am trying the more radical Jesus everyday treatment since I don`t want to miss life. He`s assured me there`s room for more and the treatments are free. You coming?

Why I Don't Want Justice for Ferguson.

There's a lot of injustice in the world. Abortions, to the tune of one every other second while someone who desperately wants a child goes without, tops my list. There's more. Hunger, poverty, child abuse, human trafficking, and I could go on. I wish we could just wish it all away but you can't. You know what else doesn't make injustices go away? Pretending they don't exist. Let's face it, when it comes to taking responsibility for our shortcomings, honesty never has been humanity's strong point. It's an age old problem that started way back. Way back, in the beginning. Actually, as far back as in the garden. Turning a blind eye to injustice is what we do best. Don't kid yourself, black people still suffer from the injustice of social inequality. Despite the advancements America has made, racism is still alive. As long as we are being honest, racism is a two way street. That's the truth and it's another problem no one wants to admit. Race is a touchy subject that nobody wants to touch unless it benefits their pocket book or soothes their conscience. With Ferguson burning in the background of the Brown shooting, racial tensions are running high. So, even the truth needs to be delivered with temperance. Despite whatever extenuating circumstances led up to the death of Michael Brown, besides God Himself, only Brown and Wilson will ever truly know what happened. It's a tragedy no matter who's fault it is and it should break our hearts. Brown and Wilson and You and I have two things in common. We are image bearers of God and none of us remember that enough. Yet, anger has both sides calling for justice. Are you sure anyone really wants justice? So what should honest and concerned believers learn and do to bring about healing?

What we can learn:
Ferguson has confirmed many things. For one thing, the inability for the government to protect society from itself. We have gotten a little taste of anarchy and it isn't sweet.  The government has only watched as protesters demolished a town. So much for "it can't get any worse." Governments must operate on laws and enforce them. Ours failed. On the other hand, our beliefs operates on our faith. Are believers holding the government to a higher standard than themselves? I think so because we have failed too.  If people can be so bold to do wrong things, with God on our side and a government incapable of maintaining order, why do believers wallow in complacency? We need to learn to stand up for what is right, peacefully.

What we can do:
Stop cursing the darkness. We need to acknowledge our own roles in the sins of our nation. Our entire nation needs to repent. For that to happen, it will have to begin in hearts that belong to the body of Christ. Few believers from either both side of the racial divide in Ferguson offer any solutions. It always has been easier to shake our fist at the darkness than to become a light. Most of what you hear is a focus and griping about the problems. Believers should be offering solutions instead of just complaining. Since our God died for all races, I can't imagine a race problem in heaven. You'll never shine brighter than when you share the hope of the gospel. If you really want to combat racism, worship and pray with members of other races. Nothing heals communities better than collectively worshipping the Healer.

The truth about Justice
Justice is something everyone wants for everybody else. Nobody wants justice for themselves. For themselves they want mercy. Mercy is just injustice in the form of grace. Want proof? Know anyone who has worn out the words "I'm sorry". How many times have you and I said those words? Christ followers should know this better than anyone. We believe everyone has sinned and there's no one who doesn't deserve the death sentence. You can refer to Romans 3:22-23 and 6:23 Justice would have burned all our cities and crucified even the holiest of earthly saints. First and foremost, we need to offer the grace of Jesus. Grace gets Justice out of Mercy's way. Mercy rescues Lot as Justice burns down Sodom. How Ironic, the cure all for injustice came from the ultimate life of enduring injustices. He was conceived out of wedlock, born into poverty, and still overcame social inequality. He was wrongly accused and arrested. Arguably because of His race, He did not receive a fair trial. He was convicted of crimes He did not commit. Jesus was condemned for someone else's crime. He was killed by the local law enforcement. The greatest injustice of all unites all of mankind's races in a hope to overcome all injustices. Grace triumphs over Justice, praise God.

Holiday Miracles

People get up in arms every year about Christmas overtaking Thanksgiving. It seems like It comes earlier every year. I notice the stores had Christmas decorations for sale before Halloween. Even though the world has commercialized the season, I loved seeing the pretty trees while I was recuperating from brain surgery. Knowing that I'd likely miss most of that this year, I enjoyed the moment.
 The first official proclamation of Thanksgiving in the United States came in the middle of The War of Independence. It was set for December the 18th, 1777 just one week before Christmas. You should read it, click here.Thanksgiving has always been my favorite time of year. For me, it marks the beginning of the Christmas season. I've never separated the two holidays because according to the bible we should be doing everything with thanksgiving. (Phillipians 4:6) and there's nothing I am more thankful for than when God shows up. Everyday should be Thanksgiving and we should be getting prepared for God to show up. Christmas is my favorite holiday because God finally does just that. He shows up. I know He's always been around but I am talking about in person. Mary wrapped the babe in swaddling cloths but God wrapped heaven's purest light in flesh. He became like us so we could become like Him.
I don't think it's an accident that our country's first proclamation of Thanksgiving comes in the middle of a war or that we are in a sermon series called Fight just before Thanksgiving.  In the bible many times songs of praise and thankgiving would go before the army into battle. Jesus's tribe, Judah, would go first. The name Judah even means praise. We do it every Sunday singing before the speaker's battle. We exit after a song to prepare us for our upcoming week's battle. God will show up in the battle if we first praise Him and the founding father's knew it. They knew the scriptures. They knew the biggest spiritual battles ever fought had been won through the praises of the Father by Christ. They knew Jesus had shown up Hell's war against Heaven. The devil brought that war to Earth. So the Father, sent his son to finish what satan shouldn't have started. Jesus arrived just in the nick of time to save the day.
So, it doesn't surprise me one bit that God shows up in the middle of my greatest battle so far. One thing I love about this season is the miracles that happen. Yesterday, as my awesome my group prepared for battle, at a benefit they planned for me, Julie lead us in one of those amazing prayers. The kind that invites the Holy Spirit and makes you just know "God's got this." As we held each other's hands, I could feel it. I can't tell you how many times I heard those words "God's got this" from people. I know He does.  Even better was hearing believers we don't go to church with saying over and over they could feel the Spirit there. Well, two or more were gathered in His name and He was definately in the midst. It was overwhelming as well as miraculous. Like Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled together. Highlights of the day were:

No accidents, no bickering. No real problems. From the weather to the restrooms, everything worked out great. Everybody seemed to have a great time. With that many people, it's a miracle.

Kids getting their faces painted by my super talented sister. Her gift is one of God's miracles and so is she.

Seeing many of my friends love on me. It was like a real life ending to "It is a Wonderful Life". In life , you wonder if people really care about you. I have had the most amazing gift, the ability to know. To all of my friends and family thank you.

The food was great. So they say. Our entire my group didn't eat. They were serving. Isn't that just like them? We fixed 600 plus plates of Chicken Bog out of what was supposed to feed 500. A couple of guys can tell you how the pot seemed to grow Bog as they stirred the pot.
Maybe we should "stir the pot" more often and see if God will show up more often.

Getting an old friend to finally commit to going to church with me. I counted seeing him today as a miracle.

Helping out another family in need. Our small group donated to a family yesterday.  Sometimes you have to give to receive. To get a miracle you need to be one. After the event was over, the amount we shared was returned in more than ten fold. We raised $25,000. Call it what ever you want but I know that's a miracle. It's an answer to prayer. It's a defeated spirit of anxiety. I promise to spend it with prayerful consideration.

It's got to be a miracle that Diane's angel food cake didn't sale. It's crazy good but God knew I wanted it. At this point, He was just showing off but He wasn't finished.

Willie, gave two neat gifts. When we went out to eat, we had prayer for an expectant mother. It just so happens the highchair didn't sale at my event. You guessed it he gave it to her. It's either a great run of luck or a miracle. The second gift was to me, a road sign that says ROCKstar Rd. There's nothing miraculous about that. It did however, remind me of one or a dozen. It's a miracle I ever took the road to The Rock Church. One I am glad I didn't miss. Without that miracle, I know yesterday would not have happened. I know God did it but I know who God used to do it through. If you helped or came I am eternally thankful. Merry Christmas.

Living with Dignity

Apart from war, cancer may be the world's scariest word. Put brain in front of cancer and things get really scary. Listening to the doctors and making hard decisions isn't an easy task. I ought to know, in October was diagnosed with one of the rarest and hardest to treat types of cancerous brain tumors. But that's not the only reason I can relate to Brittney Maynard,(CLICK HERE FOR HER STORY). She 'a the  29 year old with brain cancer, who ended her life with the help of doctors this week, no doubt did what she thought was right. The question is was she? Perhaps, it doesn't even matter. But what if it does?

We live in a world that tells us there is no right and wrong. No absolutes. Question the choices of someone and you suddenly become a hater. We make human sacrifices to the only thing still sacred in America. Choices.

People of faith know there are absolutes. Some things are simply wrong. Those choices are between whoever makes them and God until it involves others.  

 

Maynard's story breaks my heart. I can sympathize. I see the dilemma. I watched my grandfather's cancer waste away my hero until all that remained was a blind 69 pound skeleton. Horror wouldn't describe it.  In a mere six months from his diagnosis, he transformed from a rock to dust. I prayed for his healing. Before it was over, I begged God to take him. He finally did, three days after Christmas of 1991. Six years later, the same brain cancer that plagued Maynard, took the life of my dear friend Monte Vaught at the age of 26. He lived couragouesly for 22 months after the initial discovery of his tumor. The doctors said he only had 18 months but Monte was a fighter. From the moment we found out it was terminal everyone knew he was going to defy the odds. He was anything but a quitter. Both were  beautiful lives not defined by the way they passed. Decades have sinced past and the tears are still flowing . Even now, Sorrow, that old familiar pain, is stabbing my heart and it brought along a friend to help. Uncertainty of my own prognosis came with Sorrow. There's so much we just don't know. Tonight, a special couple to me, has lost a second father in four months to this dreaded disease. I don't have to imagine what they have been through because I've been there. Most of us have been. Sooner or later, all of us are going to be. I'd bet the farm, my friends, who are strong Christians, can tell you stories of grace and strength they wouldn't have missed out on just to avoid this tragedy. Little victories Maynard and her family forfeited in the name of Compassion and Choices. Maynard wanted to escape this horror. Asking Life to yield the right of way to Death is how far political correctness has caused us to stoop. She wanted to "die with dignity". Believers should know you can't. Even Christ's death was not dignified.

 

 

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Isaiah 53:3

 

 

There's nothing dignified about dying. We are all dying. Some are just dying faster than others. We all have the same promise, this moment not the next.  Death is a messy affair no matter how you slice it. We die because sin entered into this world through our own selfishness according to the bible. Suffering is part of life. Believers should expect it. CLICK HERE FOR WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT SUFFERING. For the past three years, periodically, I have experienced physical pain in a capacity that invokes suicidal thoughts. Doctors have said with the conditions I have that's normal. My wife lost an uncle and aunt to suicide. Those scars don't heal any easier knowing they were in pain. While I'd never judge those who feel they are at the end of their ropes, I can tell you suicide doesn't honor God.  I'd never judge Maynard. Her actions are another story. 

 

Maynard has been branded a hero and a champion. When did heroes start looking for ways to avoid suffering? When did champions look for ways to circumvent obstacles ?

It's one thing to reach a point of unbearable pain and lose it. It's quite another to premeditate on your own demise and solicit others to help you. I fail to find the heroism in surrendering. She brought the entire nation into her situation perhaps changing the heading of our nation's moral compass.  We have long enjoyed the right to life. Now all of a sudden, we need the right die. She became the poster child for patient rights. In her eagerness to avoid all the suffering that might have came, Maynard sacrificed who knows how many good moments. What we can never know is if this decision was truly less painful than the one she would have experienced. We are left with assuming her exit was easier while advocating we euthanize humans like animals. To date , no one has confirmed a painless transition to the otherside via drugs. Some studies have challenged it while it maybe quicker and quieter. The whole lit makes it easier for the family is up for debate too. Ask anyone from the families I mentioned. Maynard allowed the cancer to rob her of some of her life. She gave the disease control. Her chosen manner of death has now dwarfed her life and that's sad. She wanted to give death dignity but the only cachet she gave death was victory.

 

Though death is never a dignitary, you can live with dignity. Even with cancer.

 Blogger Kathy Raff said this in her post appropriately titled "Living with Cancer and Jesus" "Cancer (or other undesirable circumstance) can make you:

Bitter, angry, sad, frightened, unsure of your future, withdraw from family and friends, depressed, lonely, abandoned, feel like your spirit and soul have been crushed, feel less than, question God’s love for you."..."Cancer can make your mind go places it shouldn’t ought to go.  In 2008 I was diagnosed with kidney cancer.  I remember one particular night that was very trying while I was waiting for the biopsy report.  We did not know if I had cancer yet.   My mind was reeling in several directions at the same time with fearful doubts and thoughts.  These thoughts do not come from God, but from Satan.  He will do anything to capitalize on the tinyest negative thought in our minds.  It was a psycological torture." But she found strength in these words“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  John 14:27 

You can be bold. You can endure, if for no other reason, to say to the world life is precious. It's a gift from God. I saw my grandfather hold on until Christmas with purpose. He fixed his eyes on it like it were a prize. He was determined not to allow death to darken our celebration of when Life itself came to Earth. I watched Monte boldly battle the disease. We attacked it with humor. Shortly after his surgery, I pinned a jewel to his bandage pretending it was a turban. I called him "Ahab the Arab". We were Ray Stevens Fans. While speaking to his mother and gaining her blessing to include his story here, I am certain his disease and death were not victorious over Monte, his family, or his friends. We choose to remember that mischievous grin. My pastor, Kevin Childs, wasn't defeated by this disease . While battling lung cancer he would stroll through the congregation as if he had both eyes on Jesus and one foot in heaven already. He liked to say " he was invincible until God was through with him". This week, I saw the slipping hands of those leaving and staying grasping together in hope of a life free from death. There's something to hold on to. I've seen that picture before. It's bittersweet but we have hope. We know we will meet again . It'll be like Johnson's baby shampoo. "no more tears". Each of those lives, not their deaths, have prepared me for my personal journey in my faith and in my fight with cancer. No matter what uncertainty awaits, I will remember this skin is the wrapping paper God chose to present me with the precious gift of life in. It's my body, it's His temple. I cannot bring myself to destroy where He and I live and meet together. For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. Romans 14:8 

Victory in Jesus.

When I Just Don't Know

 Three words I hate are "I don't know". I hated saying those words and how they made me feel. I cringed everytime I heard them from nonbelievers. If "what if" is a monster, "I don't know" is a prison. I have my own personal cell like Otis from the Andy Griffith show. I keep letting myself in and out. Occasionally, Jesus keeps posting my bail. Humorous as it is, it was wise for Otis to keep returning voluntarily to the jail. "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" is a sobering cliche.
Not knowing what to do is a clear indication of one of two things.
A.
you have lost focus on your creator and he isn't controlling you.
B.
  you've never accepted and given the creator control over you.

I don't mean God isn't in control. He does what He wants, when He wants, to whom He wants, how He wants to. Even though He has plan already in place, He has given us the ability to choose things.  We can choose to be controlled by Him, or by things of this world. People who don't know what to do, often don't know enough about what or who they believe in.  The world will say believe in yourself but sooner or later, that will come down like a house of cards. There is no escaping our inevitable collapse. It's hard to to find meaning or purpose for your life within those thoughts.

There is no meaning or purpose to this life apart from Christ. Focusing on Christ, sharpens not only the vision but the projection of a believer.
Being controlled by Christ, uniquely shields believers from and sets them free from "I don't knows". That doesn't mean He will give you all the answers. Often when obedient, I'm left with little more to show than puzzled or disappointed looks. Because He gives purpose to mystery, we need to keep moving even in our uncertainty. We need to continually fight the enemy.

So to combat this stifling spirit of confusion, do two things.
Do something you know to do. Honorable and decent things. Serve God by serving others. According to Galations 5, in doing so, we will enjoy the fruit of the spirit. In any case "against such things there is no law."

Do nothing you have to question. If you have to wonder if its right, don't do it. Protect the image you project. The best example of what to be or not be is probably found in   Read Romans 14  Verse 21 sums it up. "It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble." Most confusing "I don't knows" could be avoided by following a simple formula. God first, people second, ourselves last.

Jesus refers to himself as "the light of the world". In Matthew 5:14 He calls His people the "light of the world." Shining good works before all men may very well start with illuminating and eliminating stumbling blocks along the way to glorifying God. No matter how bright the bulb is, a dingy cover will restrict it. Don't let anything prevent more of Him from shining through you.

This world is filled with a lot of "I don't knows" but our lives are filled by the the one who knows, everything about any and everything there is to know about and them some. Like a concerned parent, He sometimes forcefully spoon feeds our medicine to us. Even in those trying times, as Matt suggested, I can hear Him whisper, "keep your fork, dessert's coming." I can almost taste it.

Pastor Refuses to Marry Straight Couple.

When my wife, of 21 years, and I decided to get married on January 28, 1994 my pastor said no. He had his reasons. I did not and still do not agree with his logic based on our particular situation. So, call me a rebel, I found another pastor.  Good thing to, or the very fabric of our nation's human right's might have unraveled prematurely since I couldn't have my way. We couldn't have the moral thread of our nation unravel prematurely now, could we?

I asked my wife to marry me on October 16,1993. The second anniversary of the first time we held hands. We were going to get married the following October. But December brought us a surprise gift. Hand holding got sloppy. Let's just say our situation required action. We had a baby on the way. We had fallen into our own sexual sin. Actions will follow repentance. Since two wrongs don't make a right, at least in my mind, there was only one right thing left to do. Make and preserve a family, regain my honor.  In any case, I had proven I wasn't good at waiting. 

The pastor wanted time to council us. I told him the council time had been sacrificed to more palatable activities. We wanted to be married that day.

Even though I'm from a hick town in the south and was still in my youth and inexperience, I was intelligent enough to know both parties were not going to be satisfied. The guy had every right to say no. I applaud him for not making a easy $150 for a hour of compromising his convictions. I knew a bribe was a crime but never dreamed refusing money for ethical reasons would become one. Confused yet?  How is anyone supposed to know what to do? Who knew, refusing to marry a couple would become a criminal offense?

Somethings are super complicated. Mostly, because we make them that way.  Some of us overthink, others are just too oblivious to see the forest for the trees. If you have to be one or the other, even though ignorance is bliss, I'd rather be the over thinker.  Now more than ever, I'm seeing things that scare me for unbelievers. 

 

It's too much of a downward spiral for me to say we're on a slippery slope. It's more like we're toddlers, who stumbled into the wrong restroom, and flushed the good stuff down the toilet. I am talking about Houston's "bathroom law". (Google it) It might be the craziest solution ever offered to those with an identity crisis. Similarly, Coeur d'Alene promises jail time to those not willing to perform same sex marriages. Apparently, places like Houston and Coeur d'Alene, are ready to sacrifice Lady Liberty on an altar hypocritically inscribed as human "rights". Until just recently, I knew the difference between rights and privileges. I thought, I shouldn't need a license to qualify for a right. Now, like the rest of the nation I'm so confused. Since truth is constant, I consider these words from the Declaration of Independence, for clarity.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--"

These rights are given by our creator. "Nature's God" and men pledging their "sacred honor" have been the only defense of human rights of which I am aware. Anyone with the deducing skills of a goldfish can tell you no rights can be defended without the First Amendment. Few remain in Washington that hold anything sacred enough to pledge to. Honor might as well be extinct. Meaning unless "Nature's God" steps up, men will make slaves of men again.

 Slavery? Isn't that a stretch  No, being put in jail for refusing to perform a service is forced labor. It's never good business to give your business to someone that doesn't want it. I wonder if anyone on a foreign relations committee ever said that? I digress. I'm talking about forcing photographers, bakers, and pastors to provide you services they don't want to. Why would you want them to? You can lable the sermon snatch anything you'd like, except correct, but it is a particularly sadistic nature creating a dilemma between a man's principles and his livelihood. It not like we need to be forced to blind side our ethics over a dollar. The whole scenario should scare the pants off the gay community. Strip a society of its scruples and anarchy will follow. More truth from the Declaration of Independence, "all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed." Historically anarchy isn't pleasant for anyone. Especially homosexuals. It's not like they did so great void of Christian input in Stalin's reign. Or Hitlers. They'll fair worst under Islam. You might think that's a stretch but look how far we've fallen in the lifetime of my child. We're ready to imprison pastors for not compromising their convictions. If a man's religious freedom can be sacrificed for your pursuit of Happiness, how will you stay happy? If you're willing to sacrifice someone's honor for your happiness you missed not only Christ but the spirit of freedom. Are you sure the right to Life will be sacred enough to preserve? In any case, you no longer have the luxury of stating "we're only hurting ourselves . "

If God exists, then freedom could've only come from Him. 

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17.

Christians hold life sacred. Liberty sacred. An individual's pursuit to Happiness without destroying sacred items sacred. We hold marriage sacred. Because those things come from God.

We are for marriage between a man and woman? Christians recognize sacred items because we realize in our own selfishness we were willing to sacrifice the most sacred thing of all, Jesus Christ. He loves you. He wants us to stop sinning and hold things sacred. I love you and got your back right up to where you turn it on God. Even then, I wont stab you in it.

 Are you sure you're looking at this right? Are you sure, "I was born this way" is an appropriate defense for what's happening now?

"God is not the author of confusion." 1 Corinthians 14:33

Curiously, back in 1994 it never occurred to me to have my pastor arrested. I've never wanted someone who didn't want my money to have it. I'm certainly not gonna beg them to take it, let alone force them. But then again, I never have had hard time figuring out which bathroom to use since I was five. That's just me.  We aren't toddlers, could we be just plain wrong?